How To Be Happy

I’m bored. And unmotivated. And sick, I should add that I’ve been trapped inside for days with a cold. Although that probably hasn’t changed much in terms of my state of mind the last few days.

Point is what I’m about to confess is not normal behaviour for me.

I just sat down with my laptop and typed into Google Search “What should I do with my life”. Weird huh? And it responded with answers.

One of those was My50. It’s a site for people to post their life goals, things that they want to strive for and accomplish. Some are easy (“watch a sunset”), some cliche (“Visit Paris”), and some kind of odd (“fit loft insulation”—what does that even mean?, “protest against something I care about”—sounds counter productive).

You can search lists by age, gender, country, key words…. It’s interesting on a number of levels. Merely seeing how similar lists can be (no matter what age and location) is kind of comforting that generally we all want the same thing. Of course the differences are what really make the lists interesting.

What struck me most, probably because my state of mind for most of this year, was that number 50 for a LOT of people was “be happy”.

How? I mean, items on the list like “get cheaper car insurance” and “see a roller derby game” are easily quantifiable and the route to how to get that check mark next to them seems pretty self-explanatory. But how do you “be happy”? You can act happy. I’m positive that’s not the same thing. “Figure out what makes me happy”. That seems like a goal you can actually take action on.

But that’s not what’s on these lists. My mom told me to live my life and be happy. Seriously, those were pretty much her last words to me. I’m still trying to figure out how to do that.

Everyone wants to be happy, and I guess enough people really aren’t if they need to put it on a list. I know it would be on my list, but I don’t yet know how to achieve a check mark by it, what I need to accomplish to complete that goal, or if you ever can check it off. Unless you’re looking for a one time moment. But then that isn’t “being happy”, that’s experiencing a moment of passing happiness. Different.

If anybody out there has that simple answer that everyone seems to be looking for, please share. Maybe it’s completing all the other things on your list. Maybe it’s when you no longer need a list. Or maybe it’s not something we can “be”. Perhaps it’s something we’re just supposed to spend our lives striving for and it’s the act of really LIVING life that gets us closer to it. But how do we do that?

I’m pretty sure that requires a list.

Derby Girls and Burlesque Performers Casting Call

I’m expanding into niche markets and looking to build a bit of a portfolio with that in mind. I’m looking for Burlesque Performers and Roller Derby Girls who would like to do TF for their own portfolios/promotional photos. I’d like to photograph performers who have their own developed characters. You can do your own hair and makeup or arrange a MUA or Hair Stylist for the shoot.

This is an opportunity to get FREE photos of your character for your own promotional use (with the only stipulation that I am credited as the photographer). Some photos may be used on my website for promotion of my photography, and I will gladly place a link to your webpage (or team/troupe) if you’d like.

Please send me a message if you’re interested with information about your character and the look you want to present.

1920s Supper Club

I have to admit, I love the idea of the soon-to-open Roosevelt Room. An art deco designed interior, waitresses dressed as flappers, minimum age of 25 for patrons… On paper it sounds like a scene out of an old Hollywood movie. Definitely my type of place.

Also not the type of place one goes alone. Sure my friend Cat would definitely go with me (it’s her type of place too), but to be like a scene out of an old movie, I think we need the guys in tuxedos to come with us. That I can’t see happening. Getting Mic in to a place like this in the first place would be one task. Getting him to wear a tux? Maybe if we were also getting married there. But even then, I don’t think he’s the tux type.

I definitely feel like scouring vintage shops for an appropriate dress though, just in case.

Skates With Stars On Them Please

I’m considering participating in a roller derby training camp. I know the popularity of derby is going through the roof because of the movie Whip It, but I grew up on skates. That’s how my mom got me to go anywhere. I hated walking, but once she got me a pair of roller skates (white with a rainbow on the sides) I would go everywhere she wanted as long as I got to skate there.

When I moved to Winnipeg I stopped roller skating and shifted entirely to ice skating (and ended up with a pair of roller blades somewhere along the line) except for the occasional night hanging out at the roller rink with my friends. Brown rental skates and heavy metal band ballads. Ahhh, the memories.

Opposed to Burlesque, this is the kind of activity Mic would completely support. I think he’d love to watch me being rough with other girls on the track—that’s a guy fantasy thing isn’t it? THAT however is the one part of it that keeps me in the “considering” stage. Not that Mic would like it, the rough stuff. I just want to skate. I guess the only answer is to be fast enough that I don’t get caught.

Flash Mob: How Frequency Turns Cool to Lame

The trend of flash mob events (singing and/or dancing seemingly randomly erupting in public spaces, tableaus in train stations, pillow fights in Yonge/Dundas Square) seems to me to be the sort of thing that could only have come out of our society in this era.

Bill Wasik (senior editor of Harper’s Bazar) “claimed that he created flash mobs as a social experiment designed to poke fun at hipsters and to highlight the cultural atmosphere of conformity and of wanting to be an insider or part of "the next big thing".”(wikipedia.com) It has become the next big thing. The first few times I saw something like it (never in person, always on YouTube) I thought it was cool. Now it just seems lame in a sort of I’ve seen that before, why can’t you come up with your own unique idea kind of way.

Why I think it caught on so much wasn’t because it was cool, but because it was interactive. It jolts people out of their own little shells. We may be surrounded by people in public spaces, but the way we live our lives (mostly communicating through technology) keeps us very sheltered in our little bubbles. I think flash mobs have become so popular because people not only want to bust the bubbles of the audience that ends up watching them happen, but also because the participants really want to be a part of something, anything, that connects them to other people in “real” way. Never mind that they’re not actually connecting and that the whole thing is usually arranged via email/text message, they are making contact to with other people in a tactile way that forces them (and the people around them) to look up from their tiny screens and participate in something. Even if it is performance art.

At the last Nuit Blanche there was an “art exhibit” called “Say Hi to Dave” (or something along those lines) where people would line up to meet and have a face to face conversation with a live human being (named Dave). The idea was interesting, but at the same time it was no more “real” than any of the interactions Dave was trying to make a statement about. It was a social experiment. People weren’t actually having conversations with him because they wanted to meet and talk to someone new, they were standing in line to be part of an artificial, contrived situation. Which says a lot about our society in terms of how we interact, but also what we consider to be art. You can get away with anything if you call it Art. But that’s a different blog post.

Something for Both of Us

Mic is a pretty avid gamer. He’s currently on a World of Warcraft hiatus (which makes me quite happy) and is flipping through PS3 games at the speed I used to go through magazines (there’s something about the glossy pages that were addictive).

Prince of Persia has been one of his favourites. Apparently he played it when it was still a PC game but didn’t really get into it until it was on Xbox. I remember early in our relationship actually enjoying watching him play it because it was like a puzzle trying to figure out where he was supposed to go next and how he was supposed to get there. Okay, so that’s weird. Enjoying watching a video game, not playing it. But some games are like that. Mic told me about someone whose wife thought he was watching some animated series for three days and didn’t realize he was actually playing a video game (Uncharted). That was actually fun to watch too—although I watched from the couch while working on my own thing.

Generally speaking, Mic and I don’t have a ton in common. I think Mic can count the number of theatre productions he’s actually enjoyed on one hand. And while I’ve grown to appreciate the skill involved with mixed martial arts, I wouldn’t actively choose to watch the UFC.

But movies and tv shows… That’s something we’re pretty in tune with each other about. As a starting point we both love “Run Lola Run”, the Bourne movies, and “Leverage”. Both our tastes have grown together as well. He will readily agree to watching a dance movie and I have become a Tony Jaa fan. There are still extremes on either end but a night out at the movies has never involved an argument about what to watch.

So when we heard they were making a Prince of Persia movie… Well, that is definitely something we’ll be seeing.  Of course, it could be really easy to mess something like that up. Anyone see the movie they made based on the video game “Hit Man”? Nope, didn’t think so. It’s a perfect example of how casting can really fuck up what could be a good adaptation.

The powers that be cast Jake Gyllenhaal as the lead in the Prince of Persia movie. I think he’s fantastic. Mic couldn’t remember him in any movie other than the one about the cowboys and was worried he wouldn’t look right. There’s a lot of jungle gym esque acrobatics involved, but he still is depicted as a pretty built guy (spider man moves with a Jason Statham body essentially).

We found an on set photo:

Any fears have been laid to rest. And um, I think they might be trying to attract a female audience that perhaps isn’t interested in video games. So, something for both of us.

When are you really considered an adult?

When I was a teenager I considered my piano teacher, my skating coach, and my teachers adults. I imagined they had their lives worked out, responsibilities all set, and they were fully grown-up. Looking back I think my skating coach was about 25 and my piano teacher was about the same age. When I reached their age I had the shocking realization that I did not feel like an adult. I’ve been a high school teacher and there’s no way my perception of my high school teacher’s lives were anything like my reality. Hell, I think I’m the same age my step-father was when my mother married him (and he suddenly had to parent an eight year old).

Now maybe I’m just less mature—but I don’t think so. Perhaps the world has changed enough that the age we consider ourselves “adults” has changed. Think about it. In the 1950s twenty-two year olds were parents with houses and careers that they would be in till they retired. Today life doesn’t work that way.

Everyone my age that I know is still figuring it all out. None of us feel like we are where we assumed we’d be in life once we reached this age. Maybe our perceptions of adults when we were younger were all wrong, but I think more likely society has changed in a way that allows us to stretch out our youth. I know people in their forties who still don’t feel like adults.

Perhaps there’s a specific event that needs to happen in your life that makes you an “adult”. When you’re completely independent? I know that kind of financial stress does make me feel older. Maybe having your life settled and worked out—career, home, life choices made. What if you never figure those out? Is it a certain amount of life experience—having seen a lot of pain? They say children in war grow up faster than normal. The blissful ignorance of childhood washed away by pain and suffering as an act of maturing?

My aunt told me she’d read somewhere that you’re not really an adult until your parents are dead. Weird way of consoling someone I know, but I can tell you from experience that that isn’t it. Maybe it’s having a child, someone who completely relies on you. Or that moment that you make someone else’s life more important than your own. Perhaps it is our selfishness that keeps us young.

So then does that mean people who choose not to have children will never fully grow up? Or what about those terminally selfish people? Or if you manage to make it through life without anything crappy and painful happening to you? I guess then you’re not really experiencing life, just joy of life. Maybe it’s the realization that life is painful and difficult but choosing to live it anyways and trying to make the most of it and find the joy in life, maybe that’s what makes you an adult.

If you had the choice, remain a child, blissfully ignorant, or grow up and fully experience everything life has to offer, pain and all… what would you choose?

“Welcome to the real world, kid!”

I work as a computer programmer.  Simple phrase, right? Easy enough to say, even easier to type.  For some reason people generally respond to me saying that with a “That must be interesting” or “Good money in tech, huh?” when I tell them what I do.

Okay, so I should provide a little bit of background before I go any further.  I’ll start with right now and work backwards.  I hate programming.  I’m working my first job after graduating college.  I barely made it through college because I found more than half the material a) useless, b) boring, and c) nearly intolerable.  (I tend to list things a lot, because quite frankly the idea of encasing points in sentences is just too verbose to be efficient in my opinion unless you’re actually trying to make an argument.  I digress.)  I started college knowing that I didn’t care much for actual programming work, but I already had some not insignificant skill in it and it was a step up from ten-dollar-an-hour call center work.  Call center work that I was doing because I didn’t stick with college the first time around because a) I didn’t know what I wanted to be, and b) I had plans to change the world- awaken the people against the corrupt politicians, etc.  I sold out somewhere along the way.  That’s kind of an overly simplified version, but it’ll do for now.

So, back to “That must be interesting”… no.  It’s probably similar to assembly-line work, but having never done assembly-line work I can’t be certain.  It feels pretty mindless a lot of the time.  Just because a given project is easy doesn’t mean there isn’t a significant amount of grunt-work.  That’s where “mindless” comes in.  Try eight hours a day (more if there’s deadline pressure) of typing.  That’s it, one big typing exercise that’s really so automatic that you could surf the web on your other computer at the same time, if you had a second computer.  Just a simple persistent “tap, tap, tap”, kind of like the “drip, drip, drip” of infamous water-torture methods, but in fast forward and without an end in sight.

But there’s “good money in tech, huh?”… uh, yeah…right…in fact I forgot my public transit pass on my private jet this morning.  I was lucky enough to slide in at the top of the entry-level pay bracket for my specialization and location.  On top of that, I managed to get a modest raise within 8 months of starting.  How much do I earn?  I won’t quote exact figures, but I’ll say this: we’re the lowest paid highly intelligent people in the workplace.  I can solve quadratic equations in my head, I can visualize data across a seven-dimensional object, I can keep score in four, simultaneous, ongoing tennis matches (displayed on separate TVs in real-time) in my head while occupied with another task.  In an office of 100 people I’m probably one of the top 3 smartest.  I doubt you will find another position requiring a post-secondary education that pays less.  The bust at the early part of this decade dropped the salary for new developers by a huge amount.

Okay, it’s been a long trip, but now for the point.  I’ve realized at this point that there’s nothing I can do right now other than go to work, do my job, collect my paycheck, pay my bills, rinse, and repeat.  That’s it, that’s all.  I don’t mean to sound like I’m whining, because I’ve accepted the situation –as a temporary state that I can’t change right now.  My wife is an artist.  She’s an actor, a photographer, a playwright.  She doesn’t generate a whole lot of traditional employment income, but She does manage the household, from finances to laundry.  Her expenses are high sometimes (price some of the high-end cameras and D-SLR lenses).  But her pursuit of the arts is something I can facilitate right now.  I envy the art She is capable of creating, and I love her very much, so I go to work day-after-day to sponsor her career until I find something worthwhile that I can do.  I’ll leave it here, but on one last item, a question that doesn’t really call for an answer, but does call for thought: do you believe you have a purpose, be it divine or otherwise?, and if so do you believe you know what that purpose is?

I Will Never Be Dita Von Teese

My husband is an incredible guy. He’s extremely supportive of all of my artistic endeavours–even going so far as to not only pay to see theatre that wouldn’t appeal to him simply because I’m performing in it, but also stage managing and teching shows for my theatre company. He’s been very understanding about my inability to put up with having a "real job" at this point in my life and is allowing me the freedom to pursue my art, even if that leaves him paying most of the rent.

There is however one thing he will not support. I wouldn’t go so far as to say he wouldn’t "allow" me to do it (as this isn’t Alabama in the 1950s), but in our very brief conversation about it I got the very strong impression that it would be really detrimental to our relationship if I did.

I can not join a Burlesque troupe.

It’s something I’ve never tried, but with the recent popularity and revival of burlesque into popular culture, it’s something that appeals. I’ve always had a penchant for style and culture from other eras, I love to dance, and I’m a performer.

Perhaps it’s because he sees it as watered down erotic dancing (or stripping if we want to be blunt), rather than the art form that it is. Maybe he wouldn’t like it for the same reason he’s always zipping my hoodies up so my cleavage isn’t as prominently displayed. He loved my sweaters zipped down to where I like them when we were first dating, but as soon as I was "his", he didn’t want to share that part of me with the rest of the world. Whether that was because he wanted to be the only guy who gets to see that much of me or because he didn’t want me to attract the attention of other men and then possibly have more options, he never explained. But that I was (mostly) willing to oblige him.

I suppose I should appreciate the fact that my guy is as possesive of my sexuality as he is. I had a friend in high school whose boyfriend suggested to her that her body was so incredible, she should really get a job as a stripper. She did, she loved it, their relationship didn’t last long.

Not that burlesque is stripping. Hmm, maybe we should just go to a show together. Two things could happen: he might change his mind, or I might change mine.

We Think

In an effort to not be one of those couples that uses the word “we” instead of maintaining our individuality, our blog presents our INDIVIDUAL unadulterated opinions on everything and anything from social media to social interactions, technological innovations to style trends,  issues in our relationship to theatre reviews.
One Man. One Woman. One Relationship. Two (often VERY different) Perspectives.
No holds barred.

With any luck, our relationship will survive this.